Personal Log Entry 006: The Moth

I am but a moth to the flame.
Let it consume me,
Let it release me;

Today I forsake my name,
Tomorrow shall never come.

I stand upon the edge of eternity,
Staring into the Abyss.
What stares back,
I fear,
Is me.

In that moment,
That frightful instant,
I know one thing;
Here begins the end,
And the end of the beginning.

The continuum,
The moment,
The connection,
Everything.

So has it begun,
So shall it never truly end.
That is the truth,
The paradox of what we are.

I wrote those words today as I sat waiting. Sleep never came to me today; I am anxious. I want to be on the move, I do not want to return to Empire just yet. I want to see what I came here to see, to find the revelation of my existence. I want to find my purpose.

One of the Thukker converts told me of a tradition among his people. He called it a Walkabout, where an Outrider would leave his detachment and journey alone. The purpose would be to find their path, their inner truth (my interpretation), and return stronger and wiser. Not all would succeed at this test, but those who did would be honored for their wisdom, bravery and cunning.

After thinking long and hard about this, and weighing my own desires against the needs of the corporation, I must make this decision; to leave into the great unknown alone so that I may find my true purpose.

The Maranatha is all but prepped, though I may have to switch out some systems. I've talked with the Thukker engineers and they can help to increase the efficiency of most of the ship's systems for the extended voyage. A salvager is needed, but after a few weeks I'll need to upgrade it and my other systems as well as I learn more about the dangers of the unknown.

More perhaps tomorrow... now, I need to double check some things.